Safari Talk with Texas Good Ol' Boys
Expect the Unexpected
I’ve lived in the Lone Star State for so long that the famous Texas drawl doesn’t register with me anymore - I do not hear it. So, when Hubs and I boarded our trans-Atlantic flight after visiting South Africa, I wouldn’t have realized we were surrounded by fellow Texans had it not been for the volume and content of their conversation. In fact, they were so loud that every person on the plane knew the Good Ol’ Boys were from Waco, Texas.
Note: Non-Texans often mispronounce Waco by referring to it as “Wacko.” Waco is pronounced “Way-ko.” Y'all are learnin' how to talk Texan! I couldn’t resist having some fun. “You fellas are from Texas.” I tossed my comment into the conversation to see if I had any takers. There were four of them; surely one would respond.
“Yes M’am, we’re from Texas. Waco area, except Bill over there - he’s from Houston, but we don’t hold it against him. Been in Africa on a safari for the past few weeks.” The guy with the camouflage shirt and Lucchese cowboy boots responded, “Best trip yet.”
“Hey, that’s great. We’re from Texas, and we went on a safari, too. I’m not sure my husband thinks it was our best trip. I leaned in and lowered my voice for emphasis, “He got bit by a lion.”
“Bit by a lion! Did ya’ll say yer husband got BIT BY A LION?” Mr. Camo blurted out the words in disbelief.
“Uh-huh. A lion bit his arm.” It sounded preposterous, but it was true!
Camo looked straight at Hubs, “Is that true? Did ya’ll REALLY get bit by a lion?”
Hubs shot me one of those “thanks a lot” glances that can only be detected between couples who have been married for 110 years, and then he responded to Camo, “Yup. It bit my left arm. Tore a big hole in my best sweater, too.”
Mr. Camo could not sit on BIG news like that, his buddies HAD to hear this story! “Hey, guys, listen to this, these folks are from Texas, and they went on a safari, too. HE GOT BIT BY A LION!!”
As fellow Texans, the Waco Good Ol’ Boys would consider us practically next of kin. Camo knew what it took to get their attention. They had their safari stories, but a LION BITE was in a league of its own. The Good Ol’ Boys were all ears, waiting for Hubs to tell his story!
Hubs is good at spinning a tale: “We went on a safari in Kruger National Park…”
Our goal was to see Africa’s Big Five:
Elephant, Leopard, Rhinoceros, Lion, and Cape Buffalo
It didn’t take long to realize that Kruger is NOT a zoo; it is a 20,000 km² (8,000 square miles) area of natural habitat that fringes on the borders of South Africa, Mozambique, and Zimbabwe. The animals are accustomed to vehicles driving in the park, and they recognize that the vehicles do not pose a threat.
Pardon Giraffe for his bad manners. He’s eager to show you his amazing purple tongue. Why purple? It is actually a dark melanin pigment that prevents the giraffe’s 21-inch tongue from getting sunburned to a crisp while he chomps through 75 pounds of daily savanna treetop vegetation. There’s no shade way up there at the top of the trees where he dines.
Those massive ears aren’t just for good looks; they help the elephants hear things up to SIX miles away. The total elephant population in Africa has drastically decreased from 7 million in the 1930s to 350,000 in 2023. Lucrative global markets for ivory prompted the indiscriminate slaughter of elephants for their tusks. Many countries now have strict laws prohibiting the sale of genuine ivory, and conservation efforts have been taken to protect the elephants.
Are Zebras black with white stripes or white with black stripes?
It’s one of life’s imponderables, right next to “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” Good news! Based on several sources of scientific data, zoologists are in full agreement that zebras are BLACK with WHITE stripes. Furthermore, they have black skin. As for the chicken and egg conundrum - well, the verdict is still out on that one.
Although there are 1,000 leopards in Kruger National Park, they are private and elusive nocturnal animals, so leopard sightings are extremely rare. The fact that this stunning cat was willing to reveal himself to us was almost a miracle.
By 1945, the Black Rhinoceros population of Kruger Park was ENTIRELY WIPED OUT by poachers who killed the animals to get their horns. Specific programs in the 1970s and 1980s began restoring the Black Rhino population, but poaching has once again driven the numbers dangerously low. Most of the poached rhinoceros horns are sent to China, where they are used to make traditional medicines.
For more information about the Rhinos:
Mission & Values | International Rhino Foundation (rhinos.org)
Don’t lock horns with this guy because the odds are against you. Nicknamed “Black Death,” this ill-tempered beast is responsible for 200 human deaths a year in Africa. He is not only aggressive but also vengeful and fiercely protective of the vulnerable members of his herd. His razor-sharp horns are four to five feet across, and they are lethal weapons. In fact, the Cape Buffalo has no qualms about having a drag-em-out battle with a pride of lions. It’s not surprising that this cantankerous BAD BOY is one WILD ANIMAL that man has NEVER been able to domesticate.
After a 12-hour day in Kruger National Park, the sun was setting. We had to head straight to the nearest exit so we wouldn’t get locked in the park overnight. As we hurried toward the exit gate, several vehicles filled with dozens of military-style armed men drove INTO the park. In 2013, Kruger Park started deploying armed guards and sophisticated unmanned aircraft on a nightly basis in order to deter poachers from mutilating or seizing the animals. When the sun goes down, the Park is a good place NOT to be - unless you want to dodge bullets.
“Ah! The sun went down! We had to leave, and we didn’t see a single LION! Can you believe that? Who goes to Kruger Park and doesn’t see even ONE LION?” Hubs really emphasized that last comment to hammer his point home. He paused to let the magnitude of the shortfall sink in.
He quipped, “Leo and his whole family were supposed to terrify the snot out of us by jumping on the hood of the vehicle and tromping across the roof. Isn’t it standard protocol for the lions to claw at the windows and sharpen their teeth on the door handles while everyone inside the vehicle holds their breath? We came to see the Big Five and got SKUNKED by the LIONS!”
Hubs had the Good Ol’ Boys from Waco in his back pocket with that last comment. No Texan wants to fall short of the mark and get SKUNKED! It’s just NOT the way things are done in Texas.
The Boys hummed and hawed and expressed their heartfelt condolences to Hubs for his unfortunate lion skunking.
Mr. Camouflage was the first to remember what prompted all this Texas bulltweet: “Hey, if the lions skunked ya, how’d ya’ll get the lion bite?”
“Hold on, I’m getting to it. After we left Kruger, we went to Johannesburg… “Hubs continued with the lion saga, and the Waco Good Ol’ Boys were back with him, waiting on bated breath to hear How He Got Bit By A LION!
To Be Continued…
That's something I did not know about the Cape Buffalo and the nnumber of annual deaths caused by them. Definitely not one to mess with. Looking forward to the next part of the story and the lion bite!
Amazing pictures as usual, Lois. And, I look forward to hearing, “the rest of the story.” (Apologies to Paul Harvey).