Bit By A Lion
Expect the Unexpected
I admit I did it to amuse myself and pass the time during the long flight back from South Africa. I knew the group of Good Ol’ Boys from Waco, Texas, would be all ears when I told them a LION BIT HUBS while we were on a safari. Usually, I conk out sound asleep as soon as I fasten my seat belt, but their loud, braggadocious banter made snoozing impossible. As fellow Texans, Hubs and I were proxy members of their group, so by rights, I could weasel in on their conversation. Sure enough, their leader, Mr. Camouflage, was quick to round up the Good Ol’ Boys and start pumping Hubs for information about the lion attack.
Hubs, ever the storyteller, spun the tale of our photo safari through Kruger National Park, South Africa. He expertly wove the narrative until the tension rose to a fevered crescendo - then he left the Good Ol’ Boys hanging with the humiliating news that he got Skunked by the Lions! Never saw one!
Texans DO NOT get skunked. There’s GLORY in getting BIT BY A LION, but getting SKUNKED is an unthinkable assault on a Texan’s ego.
The morale plummeted temporarily, but Mr. Camo was quick to realize there had to be more to the story.
At the conclusion of the previous episode, Skunked by the Lions (see substack posting June 1, 2024), Hubs told the Good Ol’ Boys that we were heading to Johannesburg after leaving Kruger National Park. Two lions were laughing themselves silly as they watched us exit the park, and they fired a message via the Cheetah Express to their lion cousin Leon to notify him about Hubs’ pending arrival in J’burg.
News traveled at an amazing speed across the savanna, and Leon responded back to his Kruger cousins quickly.
Having the full, undivided attention of the Waco Good Ol’ Boys, Hubs continued to share the details of his fearsome battle with the King of Beasts.
Hubs lowered his voice as if he were disclosing inside information with fellow Texans: “There is a 1,500-acre Lion & Safari Park Northwest of Johannesburg that is home to 80 lions, including white lions, and several other varieties of South African carnivores. There are so many lions there it is unbelievable!” Hubs emphasized “unbelievable” to drive his point home.
When we got to the Safari Park, I was immediately drawn to the lion cub area.
“We drove around the park and saw several lions…”
“When that lion ROARED, the earth SHOOK!” Hubs made a point of looking each of the Good Ol’ Boys square in the eye to emphasize his point, “A lion’s ROAR can be heard up to five miles away! Five miles! I’m tellin’ you… it was LOUD! And, as soon as he roared, a younger lion jumped up and started to walk around the perimeter of the area… like he was on guard duty, making sure everything was okay. That older lion was definitely in charge!”
The Waco Boys all nodded in agreement.
Mr. Camo noted, “Yup, we heard a lion roar one night on our safari. It was loud, all right! Sure didn’t want to run into that Big Cat in the dark without my gun!”
Another Good Ol’ Boy asked, “So how’d ya’ll get bit?”
Hubs continued, “Well after we toured the whole park, we went back to the main area…”
Mr. Camouflage roared in disbelief, “Ya’ll got BIT in the PETTING ZOO??” He turned to the Good Ol’ Boys of Waco and blurted, “Can ya’ll believe that? He got bit in the PETTING ZOO?!” The Good Ol’ Boys were laughing up a storm, and when Camo asked Hubs to show the Boys his lion bite, they knew they’d been buffaloed.
Sometimes, I just can’t stop myself from having a bit of fun. Trans-Atlantic flights can be long and boring, and it’s not every day I get the opportunity to pull the wool over the eyes of a group of Texas Good Ol’ Boys. Better yet, it’s not every day Hubs gets bit by a lion!
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Watch for the next publication as I return to the Antarctica Series. I hope you have enjoyed this short break from Antarctica and our Safari adventure in South Africa. If you have enjoyed Expect the Unexpected and you aren’t already a Subscriber, I hope you will subscribe so you can receive new publications as soon as they are posted. Blessings to all!
Ha! Since Hubs is clearly still farming away and -- as far as known -- in full possession of all limbs and appendages, I knew the punchline would have to be something like that. Great story! One you can, as they say, "dine out on for quite some time." Or write a pair of blog posts.
A rousing (or should I say roaring?) good story, Lois! Think we the readers were as gullible as the Waconians. And those lion photos, wonderful.